The essay is a simple structure: introduction, main body, conclusion.
Introduction contains an argument to prove plus the points it needs to prove it (Argument = a+b+c)
Main body contains the points (a,b,c).
The conclusion is a summary with no opinions or extra material.
Building the new Apartments: Wood is recommended.
Wood is the best choice for building the apartments. Metal is too expensive, plastic has too much of an environmental impact, wood is overall the best.
Paragraph on the advantages and disadvantages of metal.
Paragraph on plastic.
Paragraph on wood.
Conclusion: metal is expensive and needs cleaning, plastic will look terrible, wood is environmentally friendly, durable and can be replaced cheaply. Wood is the best choice.
2. Personal pronouns
Remove them and use passive.
X: I think that
O: Wood is the best
X: it’s the best for us
O: Wood is the best for this specific range of people
3. Academic Vocabulary
No personal opinions or pronouns! Use statements! MUST use academic vocabulary
X: by the way
O: This is proven
O: in 2020
X: I can see
O: this demonstrates
Use neutral language and use references to support your arguments. Do not casually suggest ideas or assume what everyone does or should do.
X: nobody likes this, I always use this
O: studies revealed that this made a significant impact (Smith 2016).
x: Blabalablalbalbalbla (http://wikipedia.org/dahpdu/ay8732/rubbish.html)
o: Blabalablalbalbalbla (Satoshi, 2011)
5. Case Study
A recommendation report needs an example of how the technology impacted a company.
(Title) Bitcoin is the future
Mak ltd adapted bitcoin in 2017 and accepted payments. It saw a rise in profit simply due to more business conducted in this currency (Netnews 2019).
6. Abstract is missing
If you were not asked to do an abstract then it’s not necessary.
The abstract is not an introduction. It’s a summary of what happened during the creation of the report. This does include a line or two about the conclusion.
Bitcoin is the future
It seemed obvious but finding the evidence of an impact was not so easy. Not many companies published their results. However, finally, it was demonstrated that bitcoin was being adapted and driving some success. However the volatility of bitcoin is scaring many business owners while the banks are interested in the technology but not the currency.